CEE's Family Building Blocks
Win the Conflict War
Frustration about chores left undone, arguments over rules, disagreeable behavior--no
family is immune from conflict! In fact, as a child naturally grows and matures,
increasing independence is often displayed by "testing the limits." It may be
normal, but it's no fun to have conflict in the home! How can parents fight back? Here are
some tips to help bring peace to your home:
- Focus on eliminating the conflict, not "winning the fight."
- Set the tone. Follow the advice of Colossians 4:6, using kind words and logic to
encourage the desired behavior; avoid your child's "hot buttons" or an attitude
that invites rebellion and hostility.
- Be specific in expectations. Clearly state the desired behavior and time frame
(i.e. "Please put all these toys back on the shelf right now"). Avoid demeaning
generalizations ("You are so lazy--you never pick up your toys"). They could
become self-fulfilling prophesies!
- Focus on the behavior, not the child. Instead of criticizing your child or his
character, focus on the behavior and your reasons for objecting. For example, instead of
saying, "You're late again! You are so irresponsible!," try "I am very
upset that you are late because I was worried that something bad happened to you."
- Praise specifically. Focus praise statements on specific character traits
reflected in the child, i.e. "You did a great job cleaning your room. Thank you for
being so responsible and taking care of your things."
- Create age-appropriate rules. Try not to exasperate your children (Eph.
6:4) with unrealistic expectations. Base your standards of evaluation upon what a child is
reasonably capable of accomplishing. Extend freedom as it is earned.
- Look for aspects to praise, then teach them to improve with upbeat, helpful words.
Philippians 4:8 urges us to dwell on the GOOD.
- Create a range of several alternatives. Brainstorm choices. Avoid a win/lose, my
idea vs. your idea approach.
- Make chores fun. Race, have contests, play games--teach little ones
responsibility without drudgery.
Remind instead of nagging. Try chore charts, slips of paper with assignments in
a jar, matching chores with child's interests; a board with pictures of your child doing
various chores (display as needed). Set clear timelines and consequences.
||Other topics featured:
- Keeping Kids Safe
- Focus on Marriage: Its a Date!
- Great ExpectationsA Youth Ministers Word to Parents
- Grannies Goodies: Tips for gum removal, teaching number I.D. skills, info on ear
infections and gum chewing, and a recipe for Creamed Corn
- Count-Down Time (back-to-school and other creative advents)
- Playful Postcards
- Pool Teeth
- Family Night Lesson: Creating a Happy Home
- One-month "loving" calendar
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